After reading some of the negative feedback, I had to play it for myself - and I have to say it's a totally fine, serviceable game. I don't read NTR much (so I don't have enough experience to say if this qualifies as NTR or a subgenre), but I don't mind it either.
Honestly I don't know how you could interpret the player character as a "loser"; he managed to make an impression on a girl who's slept with hundreds of other guys. In some games you date the girl, and in some you just swing with them (kinda like real life!) - so I don't understand all the hate.
As it is, the MC goes along with the flow, but never tried to change the situation or relationship. Maybe this inactivity is perceived as a 'loser' trait? But this was super short KN project so no room for story development or character progression. lol.
Some did mention why they didn't like it with explanation of why, but some didn't. So I am not too sure for those who didn't explain.
But anyhow, thank you for playing the game. Hopefully it was entertaining 5-10 min of read. :)
TL;DR; Overall, happy with how many views and constructive criticism I got. I heard lots of mean words because this is "NTR," but few boxes of chocolate should fix my mood. Lol.
Long version: Although I uploaded this without any ad, I still got a reasonable amount of views and download. Also, few people gave constructive criticism, which was valuable advice for me.
On the other hand, there were lots of backlashes. Lots of people berated me out of spite of the NTR genre. (It was bad enough that Itch.io deleted most of the ratings. Creators can't delete ratings (if they could, they would be able to manipulate ratings.) They can only enable or disable ratings.)
When I was writing this, I didn't think this would count as NTR. The girl has her harem, and MC is inserting himself in there; she is not a special someone to the main character nor childhood friend. Therefore seeing her banging other guys might be shocking to MC, but it shouldn't cause emotional distress. I see the NTR genre as a type of tragedy, where one explores the catharsis of emotional pain caused by involuntary sexual harassment of his or her significant other. If the girl MC likes don't like MC back, that isn't the girl's fault. (Also, let's admit it. The MC of this story is not likable. lol) I marked this as NTR because someone is offended about it. I still don't think this short novel truly counts as the NTR, but if marking it so would save someone's emotional distress, there is no harm in doing so. (Although now I am getting messages saying they got pranked because this is not NTR, lol.)
Well, when I was writing this, I wrote it as MC just making FWB with Pro-chan. But yes, that is one of the most heard criticism out of all.
The MC is a backbone-less wuss, which is not likable.
It is okay if the MC is wuss, "BUT ONLY IF the MC tries to change or does something interesting," but the MC doesn't do neither of them, so no redemption in there.
I didn't give too much thought since this was a side gig. In hindsight, I should not have put the "What is your name?" thing there and/or make the MC not a wuss since I knew this would be a short project done with art assets from months ago. (The arts used in this VN were drawn months ago as a Patreon reward.)
So yeah. I am acutely aware this writing is not that good. I will try to fix it if I try out making VN or KN later. Thanks for the criticism.
To others, I welcome any constructive criticism, but please hold on to just jeering. I don't want to buy more boxes of chocolate. lol.
*Rated 4 stars. Don't know if anyone can see my comments on those so I'll make a list.
-Not NTR, just close to it. Heck the game even tries to cut emotional attachment from the start. I say it's a good KN (kinetic novel) to get used to the NTR genre. (I hated all NTR before I started consuming more NTR works - I found out I hate NTR that tries to get the consumer to self-insert...which is not this one outside of naming the player character.)
-Outside of typos and sentence structure issues. (example: "should we go to do it since we became a sex partner" -> "should we go do it since we became sex partners?") the game as a whole works. No bugs or technical errors I have found, yeah, it's short and shouldn't have them but still a win.
-Really awesome art, chick is hot, but I'm sure there could have been a standing picture of her with expressions during the whole conversation taking place outside of her phone 'pictures'.
-I took off a star because I didn't nut. It was all sexy but way too short for me to finish. I noticed her first evidence was a video - should have had it play *wink wink*.
*All in all, I'd like more from the dev and artist. I'm keeping an eye on them on itch for now before I consider their patreons. Now some suggestions:
~Change from a kinetic novel to a visual novel to make it more accessible. This is actually a double suggestion point. When Pro-chan shows the player her 'proof' make it escalate in order from 'not bad' to 'she a slut' (basically, her body writing should be first, then her fun at the bus stop proof).
With that, the player sees the body writing and then has a choice to continue through her pictures for more 'proof'. Hopefully the artist can add more 'proofs' to this segment (no more than 5 pictures I'd say) so that I have more to work with for my satisfaction. Keeping in mind the ascended order, the player would get the 'proofs' without having to witness the bus stop proof (would either be proof 5 or 4 if ya wanna make something more hardcore for me *wink wink*)
~A standing picture of her with expressions and emotions when not seeing her 'proofs', exploits, and/or scenes with her.
~This kind of reminds me of NT00's work with Yumi (now that one is NTR, but the ending isn't. Search for it at your own risk.) so it'd be pretty cool if you added animations or parts of her view points.
~An option for pubic hair - that's just me personally. I'd like it, but don't worry too much about it.
~Music and sound effects. Not necessary for me, but audio does help others when it comes to doing the business. Guess it would have helped me and those that don't like the audio can mute it. Everybody wins.
*That's all I got right now. Hope you continue with this because I want to nut to this, if not, I'll look forward to other works from you and Butter-T.
Thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate it.
Just FYI, the Patreon link is Butter-T's Patreon, which is strictly illustration-only. We didn't make any Patreon for KN/VN because this was just a side gig we tried. If you liked the picture, it might worth looking around. But you will not find any KN/VN in there.
Butter-T, the illustrator, is busy, so I can't guarantee he would draw standing CG. He is interested (hence I could use his art for this small project), but this was a side gig after all. If he decides to draw it, I will add CGs with some modifications to the game.
(Modifying the bus stop scene, so players can choose whether or not to leave her or continue with a proof, adding a mute button for music, etc.)
Ah, I see. Maybe my writing gave NTR vibe. Well, that was not my intention. The girl is extremely sexually open-minded (i.e., sleep with multiple guys and have no qualms about it). She is completely open about her relationships with other guys from the start and asks is MC ok with such relationships.
If the MC finds out about that kind of relationship later, like the NTR genre, I agree. Then it would be my blunder for not writing a warning this has NTR content. But since this one is just dating (questionable but can't find a better word) an open-relationship-minded woman, not NTR, I thought it would be fine. I added a warning sign on the webpage to give a heads up. Is there anything else?
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After reading some of the negative feedback, I had to play it for myself - and I have to say it's a totally fine, serviceable game. I don't read NTR much (so I don't have enough experience to say if this qualifies as NTR or a subgenre), but I don't mind it either.
Honestly I don't know how you could interpret the player character as a "loser"; he managed to make an impression on a girl who's slept with hundreds of other guys. In some games you date the girl, and in some you just swing with them (kinda like real life!) - so I don't understand all the hate.
Thank you for playing the game!
As it is, the MC goes along with the flow, but never tried to change the situation or relationship. Maybe this inactivity is perceived as a 'loser' trait? But this was super short KN project so no room for story development or character progression. lol.
Some did mention why they didn't like it with explanation of why, but some didn't. So I am not too sure for those who didn't explain.
But anyhow, thank you for playing the game. Hopefully it was entertaining 5-10 min of read. :)
Show post...
You happy with how this turned out?
TL;DR; Overall, happy with how many views and constructive criticism I got. I heard lots of mean words because this is "NTR," but few boxes of chocolate should fix my mood. Lol.
Long version: Although I uploaded this without any ad, I still got a reasonable amount of views and download. Also, few people gave constructive criticism, which was valuable advice for me.
On the other hand, there were lots of backlashes. Lots of people berated me out of spite of the NTR genre. (It was bad enough that Itch.io deleted most of the ratings. Creators can't delete ratings (if they could, they would be able to manipulate ratings.) They can only enable or disable ratings.)
When I was writing this, I didn't think this would count as NTR. The girl has her harem, and MC is inserting himself in there; she is not a special someone to the main character nor childhood friend. Therefore seeing her banging other guys might be shocking to MC, but it shouldn't cause emotional distress. I see the NTR genre as a type of tragedy, where one explores the catharsis of emotional pain caused by involuntary sexual harassment of his or her significant other. If the girl MC likes don't like MC back, that isn't the girl's fault. (Also, let's admit it. The MC of this story is not likable. lol) I marked this as NTR because someone is offended about it. I still don't think this short novel truly counts as the NTR, but if marking it so would save someone's emotional distress, there is no harm in doing so. (Although now I am getting messages saying they got pranked because this is not NTR, lol.)
Why would anyone want to play as a loser who enters a whores harem though
Well, when I was writing this, I wrote it as MC just making FWB with Pro-chan. But yes, that is one of the most heard criticism out of all.
The MC is a backbone-less wuss, which is not likable.
It is okay if the MC is wuss, "BUT ONLY IF the MC tries to change or does something interesting," but the MC doesn't do neither of them, so no redemption in there.
I didn't give too much thought since this was a side gig. In hindsight, I should not have put the "What is your name?" thing there and/or make the MC not a wuss since I knew this would be a short project done with art assets from months ago. (The arts used in this VN were drawn months ago as a Patreon reward.)
So yeah. I am acutely aware this writing is not that good. I will try to fix it if I try out making VN or KN later. Thanks for the criticism.
To others, I welcome any constructive criticism, but please hold on to just jeering. I don't want to buy more boxes of chocolate. lol.
*Rated 4 stars. Don't know if anyone can see my comments on those so I'll make a list.
-Not NTR, just close to it. Heck the game even tries to cut emotional attachment from the start. I say it's a good KN (kinetic novel) to get used to the NTR genre. (I hated all NTR before I started consuming more NTR works - I found out I hate NTR that tries to get the consumer to self-insert...which is not this one outside of naming the player character.)
-Outside of typos and sentence structure issues. (example: "should we go to do it since we became a sex partner" -> "should we go do it since we became sex partners?") the game as a whole works. No bugs or technical errors I have found, yeah, it's short and shouldn't have them but still a win.
-Really awesome art, chick is hot, but I'm sure there could have been a standing picture of her with expressions during the whole conversation taking place outside of her phone 'pictures'.
-I took off a star because I didn't nut. It was all sexy but way too short for me to finish. I noticed her first evidence was a video - should have had it play *wink wink*.
*All in all, I'd like more from the dev and artist. I'm keeping an eye on them on itch for now before I consider their patreons. Now some suggestions:
~Change from a kinetic novel to a visual novel to make it more accessible. This is actually a double suggestion point. When Pro-chan shows the player her 'proof' make it escalate in order from 'not bad' to 'she a slut' (basically, her body writing should be first, then her fun at the bus stop proof).
With that, the player sees the body writing and then has a choice to continue through her pictures for more 'proof'. Hopefully the artist can add more 'proofs' to this segment (no more than 5 pictures I'd say) so that I have more to work with for my satisfaction. Keeping in mind the ascended order, the player would get the 'proofs' without having to witness the bus stop proof (would either be proof 5 or 4 if ya wanna make something more hardcore for me *wink wink*)
~A standing picture of her with expressions and emotions when not seeing her 'proofs', exploits, and/or scenes with her.
~This kind of reminds me of NT00's work with Yumi (now that one is NTR, but the ending isn't. Search for it at your own risk.) so it'd be pretty cool if you added animations or parts of her view points.
~An option for pubic hair - that's just me personally. I'd like it, but don't worry too much about it.
~Music and sound effects. Not necessary for me, but audio does help others when it comes to doing the business. Guess it would have helped me and those that don't like the audio can mute it. Everybody wins.
*That's all I got right now. Hope you continue with this because I want to nut to this, if not, I'll look forward to other works from you and Butter-T.
Thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate it.
Just FYI, the Patreon link is Butter-T's Patreon, which is strictly illustration-only. We didn't make any Patreon for KN/VN because this was just a side gig we tried. If you liked the picture, it might worth looking around. But you will not find any KN/VN in there.
Butter-T, the illustrator, is busy, so I can't guarantee he would draw standing CG. He is interested (hence I could use his art for this small project), but this was a side gig after all. If he decides to draw it, I will add CGs with some modifications to the game.
(Modifying the bus stop scene, so players can choose whether or not to leave her or continue with a proof, adding a mute button for music, etc.)
Again, thank you for your feedback!
Show post...
The second that bus stop scene played I knew this game was going into the trash can
Sorry to hear you didn't like it. May I ask what bothered you or why you didn't like it?
Ah, I see. Maybe my writing gave NTR vibe. Well, that was not my intention. The girl is extremely sexually open-minded (i.e., sleep with multiple guys and have no qualms about it). She is completely open about her relationships with other guys from the start and asks is MC ok with such relationships.
If the MC finds out about that kind of relationship later, like the NTR genre, I agree. Then it would be my blunder for not writing a warning this has NTR content. But since this one is just dating (questionable but can't find a better word) an open-relationship-minded woman, not NTR, I thought it would be fine. I added a warning sign on the webpage to give a heads up. Is there anything else?